Creature Features: flying

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Vampire Bat: I Vant to Drink Your Blooood (no, really)

Good evening. It is I, Vampire Bat. You may have heard talk of me before; my reputation often precedes me, for I am super scary. I hope that you are well and pulsing full of blood this morning. I have written to the slimy ocean creature to tell the world of my kind. For though it is true that I thirst for your arteries at night, there are many in my order who pose no threat and should not be feared, as they play an important role. But first, I will tell you about myself, Desmodus rotundus, the great hematophagist before whom you should cower.

Desmodus rotundus: The Scariest of the Bats

I am the only known parasitic mammal, and therefore am the most evil of all mammals. I roost with my large and fearsome family in the darkest depths. We make our home in caves, where we bond closely with one another. We watch after our own, even those among us that are orphaned. Just because we are the only species of bat to do this doesn't make us nice! Nor does sharing food with friends who are hungry; we can only live for one or two days without eating, so we sometimes share, to our own detriment, with those who do not have enough. Not that this is a nice thing to do! We are pure evil!

We long to feast upon the blood of the living. We hunt only in the blackest of the night, creeping slowly upon the ground toward our unsuspecting victim. We can walk, run, and hop, which isn't cool or cute, it is terrifying, for you will never hear us coming.

I can hear if you are asleep, and smell the warmth of your delicious, blood-filled arteries. You cannot hide, for our vision is also excellent. You will not feel my bite for my teeth are that sharp.

No, it's not a big bite, it doesn't have to be big to be scary. It's a scarily tiny bite, from which I will lap your blood with my specialized tongue. My saliva will help to keep your blood from coagulating, so I can drink up to half my body weight. By the time I'm done I tower before you at a terrifying 1.5 - 2 ounces! And my saliva will help with the treatment of your stroke patients! Fear me!

Chiroptera: The (mostly non-terrifying) Order of Bats

Terrible and terrifying though I may be, others of my order have a different approach, but still get a bad rap. Megabats, my fruit eating kin, and microbats, those that echolocate, help pollinate flowers, spread fruit seeds, and reduce insect populations. I am almost ashamed to say, they are not frightening at all. Though I shudder at the very thought, some might say they are . . . cute. Flying Foxes, the largest of the fruit eating megabats, seem to get along well with your kind:

And 70% of bats are insectavores, grabbing bugs out of the sky in a neat, non-scary fashion:

So, bloodbags, go and live in blissful harmony with these mild, helpful bats, and save your chiroptophobia for the creature that is truly terrifying: the REAL me:

Face your fears and learn more about me and other bats

Hi readers, Giant Pacific Octopus here. Is there a creature you would like to see featured? Let me know in the comments!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Turkey Vulture: Not Circling You Waiting For You To Die

Dear future dinners, I mean, human friends,

My name is Cathartes aura. There are many who call me Turkey Vulture. Some call me buzzard, but they are confusing me with these fellows, who clearly hold none of my charm or appeal. I am visiting the aquarium to write to you, with the help of Giant Pacific Octopus, to clear the misconceptions you seem to hold about me. I am not an evil bird, nor am I a harbinger of death. Hear me out and you will see the kind, bodily-fluid-spouting gentlebird I really am.

It is true, I feast upon the recently deceased, tearing at their carcasses for the tenderest meat. In fact, the name vulture means tearer.

But this is no reason to fear me. I do not kill the living; I merely fly low to the ground using my excellent vision and even better sense of smell to locate pungent, delicious carcasses. Though if it is my cousin (and frenemy) Black Vulture who creates those carcasses, it would certainly be rude not to partake.

I am, by nature, a social fellow. I live in a venue, roosting in dead trees in open areas. We are a kind, gregarious community who migrate together on rising thermals, flying so gracefully with barely a flap. We rise together into the sky in a swirling black kettle, like an ominous vortex of . . . friendliness, which is completely not frightening in any way.

Perhaps you thought we were circling you until you die? The thought, I assure you, never crossed my mind.

You may fear that I carry disease due to the succulent carrion I feast upon. Kind human, you may put your fears to rest, for I frequently bask in the sun, partaking in the classic horaltic pose, to warm myself and to help bake away any lingering bacteria.

By Bob Peterson [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

My dapper bald red head serves another purpose beyond being both nonthreatening and handsome: I can plunge it into a body cavity of a fresh meal without fear of the aftermath sticking to my face.

By Dori [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Lest your fears be not abated, know that my digestive tract kills most bacteria, so after I step in a carcass I simply relive myself upon my legs, whereupon they are sanitized. As I told you, I am a true gentlebird.

Like you, milquetoast humans, I become afraid at times. I have few predators, but if I am attacked, I do not let my fear get the better of me; I take action and vomit upon my attacker. This will distract them, sting their eyes, and lighten my belly for a rapid escape. And escape I must, for if you are a vulture, no one can hear you scream (because we lack a syrinx and can only grunt and hiss).

Finally, dear inedible friends, I do hope you may no longer fear my handsome face and innocuous flight pattern. I hope for nothing more than to provide a valuable and kind service by removing succulent, delicious carcasses from your yards and roads . . . and to feast upon your juicy flesh the moment your last breath escapes you.

Sleep well, dear friend

Learn more about me

Here are some tasty resources on Turkey Vultures and other American Vultures: